From The Vault: A Look Back At A Decade Of Demos

So I have been writing and recording music for over a decade now, but anything over 10 years old I think I will keep locked up forever because they are pretty terrible. This is a look back at some of my personal favorites, some of them are as recent as this year, and a couple steam back 10 years. Some are rougher than others, but they all are meaningful to me in some way. I performed and recorded all the tracks for these, including drums, guitar, vocals, bass and keys– with the exception of one song that I re-recorded for a compilation album. SO, if you are just sitting in your office all day today, and want to get to know me a little better, grab some headphones. These are in alphabetical order.

All Your Letters

Birthday Boy

Dont Wait Up

I’ve Opened Up

Icecream & Bubble Gum

Just Tell Me

Last Thing I Remember

Untitled

River

September 23, 1997

Taken For Granted

The City Was Mine

There’s Nothing To Show

This Is A Milestone

This Is My Death

Wander

I put this together with a simple vision of it being dirty, and muffled, and gross. Written 3 or 4 years ago, I can’t remember exactly. My roommate at the time did a remix of it:

Wander (Gage Remix)

What I Wouldn’t Give

Where Is My Snow

You Were A Friend

So, there it is. 20 songs. I tried to not seem conceited, but really I think I am my biggest fan, and these songs mean a lot to me. I really don’t care if anyone likes them, but it’s still fun to share what I have been doing for the last 10 years.

There are times when I will have flashbacks of life growing up in the remote Alaskan wilderness, or the little village we call Galena.  I am a very visual person, and I will get very vivid images that are randomly accessed from my memory. The most recent; changing the propane tanks in the dead of winter with my dad.  And right after that image, I get one from probably a few months earlier in the summer driving down the gravel roads that trace Galena and picking up our shipment of propane tanks from the barge landing, and loading them into the pickup.

Such small, trivial events but when I am thinking about those specific moments they seem like such a huge part of my life and growing up.  I miss getting my parka on and running outside in the snow and in my slippers at -20 or -30 °F and helping my dad unhook the empty tank, lift the big heavy full tank up on the wooden platform that is covered in snow, and hooking up the new tank so that we can have hot water and cook on the stove.

I miss the warm summers and getting a phone call from one of our friends saying that the barge is in town, parked on the banks of the mighty Yukon.  My dad would grab me or my brother and we would hop in the truck, drive at about 25 or 30 MPH down the dusty gravel roads, and turn down the steep dike road onto the river bank where our propane tanks were waiting on a pallet.

On the left in the picture you can see the propane tanks on the little wooden platform. The picture was taken in late fall of last year, after my parents sold the house and moved to Africa.

We lost a beloved little member of our family this week, our beagle Summer.  She was a wonderful little dog, and will be missed.

Compliments of my brother!

My buddy Adam from Alaska just recently spent some time here in Portland visiting.  As we strolled through memories of past experiences I realized how far Alaska seems from me now.  It’s no wonder people don’t understand issues in Alaska, because it really is far removed from the rest of the states.  I have only been here for about 4 1/2 years, and thinking back to Galena, and then Anchorage for college it all seems so unfamiliar, more like a vacation than the fact that I grew up in that state.  I do remember, however, that living there I felt like any other American, and just as much in touch with the lower 48 as everyone else.

It really makes me miss it, and it really makes me sad to feel this way because I am definitely an Alaskan, and will always be. I think part of it also is due to me embracing Portland so strongly the fast few years, and with that I feel like I have lost touch with some of my heritage. Maybe it is just a phase, maybe it’s that my only relative left in Alaska is my brother, or maybe it’s that Sarah Palin was more of an embarrassment than someone I was excited about. Whatever it is, I hope I am reminded more often of where I came from.

A few years ago after a visit home I brought bags and bags of picture negatives back to Portland with me to digitize. I have a negative scanner, but it actually is really slow and after a few pictures I realized it would be much cheaper for me to pay to have them done. I did scan a few random ones though, these slides were dated October 1979. My parents had just recently moved to Alaska, and were living on the Yukon River – trapping, hunting, and fishing for a living.

They had a large dog team, although I don’t have any of those pictures scanned yet.

Yeah, that is bear meat hanging out to dry.

One of my parents friends, Lenny… I think… with the Yukon River behind him.

Man, I have that little Google Toolbar thingy on my desktop and it is always displaying pictures from my pictures folder. I really like it because sometimes I see these great pictures that I forget about.

This one makes me really nostalgic. Growing up flying was such a wonderful experience, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. I flew SO MUCH, but only because my Dad flew everyday for everything from work, to transportation, to fun stuff like hunting and fishing. There were evenings just like this one, and man it really makes me miss home.

This was flying over the Galena Airport on the 22nd of April 2007. You can see the Yukon River wrap around the village, and it is just starting to melt. Muller Mountain is off in the distance, and the sun is just setting at 9:18 PM.

I was remembering today back when we were kids, probably 10 or 11, we used to catch birds and release them in the house. It was so much fun, but our mothers hated it, and actively tried to stop it. Needless to say it only happened a couple of times because the consequences became to steep, but it was fun while it lasted.

In case you are wondering how to do it, here is some step by step instructions that will get you started.

Step 1. Set up a bird feeder and start attracting a community of birds.

Step 2. Once you have lot of birds, go out and take the bird feeder down. Dump lots of seeds on the ground and bring the bird feeder inside.

Step 3. Set up a cardboard box over the bird seeds on the ground. Attach a long string to a stick and use the stick to prop up one side of the box.

Step 4. Run the long string into a window at your house.

Step 5. Wait for a bird to hop down under the box to eat some birdseed.

Step 6. Pull the string hard.

Step 7. Run outside and slide a flat piece of cardboard under the box, so as to trap the bird.

Step 8. Bring the box inside and release bird to bouts of laughter and enjoyment for most of the family.

Step 9. Open a door and wait for bird to fly out. This may take several hours.

Step 10. Prepare yourself to reap the consequences from your mother.

So there you have it!

(Hey its cheep entertainment if anything)

Tonight I was flooded with memories of late night drives on warm summer nights. Remember when we could drive for recreation? I don’t know about you, but I used to just leave late at night and go driving for a couple hours. Most of the time in the summer, with the windows rolled down and the dark, warm air sifting across my face. I would blare this really pretentious, thick, deep music and let myself enjoy all the notes and vibrations and sights and smells. I used to go probably 3 or 4 times a week, and it was kind of my therapy time.

I have had a fucking great summer. I ended up with over a month off and was able to go camping, hiking, vacationing in New Hampshire, up to Alaska for some well needed time with old friends, and out to Loon Lake for wake boarding. Thats not to mention all the in between time to do little things like hang out with the pup at the park, be at the beach, timbers games, spend time building relationships down at the coffee shop as well as refreshing old ones elsewhere, and learn a little about running my own business. I am so blessed sometimes, and driving home this evening, while still probably 80 degrees out, blasting M83 out of my truck’s speakers — felt like my little treat to top everything off.

If you catch the Stills new album “Oceans Will Rise” pick it up- it’s well worth it. Track number 4 “Being Here” felt like my soundtrack for this summer.

Fuck.

Leaving Alaska was one of the hardest things I have ever done. It seriously took me 2 years before I finally got over it all, and was it ever a hard couple of years. I don’t know how many nights I spent just balled up in the corner of my room wishing I could go back. I couldn’t though, because there was something more important keeping me in Portland.

I am really home sick right now though, and all I can think about is going back.

My trip to Alaska was absolutely amazing, even though it was for a sad event. Maybe that has something to do with it though, because for some reason I just feel connected with everyone there in Alaska in a way I haven’t felt in years. I wish I wasn’t so fucking nostalgic. I absolutely hate it. The past few days have been hard… like this constant nagging ache. I kept trying to push it out, but I need to acknowledge that it is there.

Jeeze… I sound like I am in some sort of fucking recovery program.

Pardon my language.

If anything were ever to happen with Kristin and myself, I would move back in a heartbeat. I really miss everyone there. So much so I am thinking about blowing off my new job and buying a ticket back for another few days.

I miss my brother. He is such a stud. I wish we lived closer so we could hang out more. We went through a few years where we got pretty distant, not talking to each other and stuff. It took a little growing up, for both of us, and now things are good, the way they should be.

Anyways, I kinda just need to vent a little and let myself feel bummed out I think. I have some cool things coming up so I will start to focus on that and see how it all goes.

‘ll light the fire
You put the flowers in the vase
That you bought today

Staring at the fire
For hours and hours
While I listen to you
Play your love songs
All night long for me
Only for me

Come to me now
And rest your head for just five minutes
Everything is good
Such a cosy room
The windows are illuminated
By the sunshine through them
Fiery gems for you
Only for you

Our house is a very, very fine house
With two cats in the yard
Life used to be so hard
Now everything is easy
‘Cause of you

Our house is a very, very fine house
With two cats in the yard
Life used to be so hard
Now everything is easy
‘Cause of you
And Our

I’ll light the fire
And you place the flowers in the jar
That you bought today