I just bought it yesterday, and I am finally going to sit down and play a little of it today. I don’t play many games, but every now and then one captures my attention. Warcraft 2 was the first game I actually dove into, then came Starcraft, I liked Tony Hawk Pro Skater, and now Team Fortress 2 Call Of Duty 4. Starcraft 2 comes out in October and I am sure to buy that, but until then these games should be plenty sufficient.

I start a new job tomorrow for a custom construction company called Cottage Craft. I am pretty pumped. I really wasn’t going to take a job unless it looked amazing because I didn’t want to end up with someone that I wasn’t happy working for. This company looks really really good, from the outside anyways, so hopefully it stands up on the inside.

I spent a whole month building up a small business, and man did I have a lot of work, but I am kind of scared to take all of that on in the winter months when building slows down. I think I may try to run it on the side and see if it is in fact something I can do year round and make good money at. All in all this month has been great though, and gave me a chance to make a lot more money than I would have were I still with my old company.

Now just the boards and two gates!

This is what I am working on today.

Fuck.

Leaving Alaska was one of the hardest things I have ever done. It seriously took me 2 years before I finally got over it all, and was it ever a hard couple of years. I don’t know how many nights I spent just balled up in the corner of my room wishing I could go back. I couldn’t though, because there was something more important keeping me in Portland.

I am really home sick right now though, and all I can think about is going back.

My trip to Alaska was absolutely amazing, even though it was for a sad event. Maybe that has something to do with it though, because for some reason I just feel connected with everyone there in Alaska in a way I haven’t felt in years. I wish I wasn’t so fucking nostalgic. I absolutely hate it. The past few days have been hard… like this constant nagging ache. I kept trying to push it out, but I need to acknowledge that it is there.

Jeeze… I sound like I am in some sort of fucking recovery program.

Pardon my language.

If anything were ever to happen with Kristin and myself, I would move back in a heartbeat. I really miss everyone there. So much so I am thinking about blowing off my new job and buying a ticket back for another few days.

I miss my brother. He is such a stud. I wish we lived closer so we could hang out more. We went through a few years where we got pretty distant, not talking to each other and stuff. It took a little growing up, for both of us, and now things are good, the way they should be.

Anyways, I kinda just need to vent a little and let myself feel bummed out I think. I have some cool things coming up so I will start to focus on that and see how it all goes.

‘ll light the fire
You put the flowers in the vase
That you bought today

Staring at the fire
For hours and hours
While I listen to you
Play your love songs
All night long for me
Only for me

Come to me now
And rest your head for just five minutes
Everything is good
Such a cosy room
The windows are illuminated
By the sunshine through them
Fiery gems for you
Only for you

Our house is a very, very fine house
With two cats in the yard
Life used to be so hard
Now everything is easy
‘Cause of you

Our house is a very, very fine house
With two cats in the yard
Life used to be so hard
Now everything is easy
‘Cause of you
And Our

I’ll light the fire
And you place the flowers in the jar
That you bought today

I have never had a falling dream until a couple months ago, I had two in a row. Really strange right? Man, they were so vivid and realistic is was incredible.

The first one I was in a tall office building, up on like the 100th floor. I was with a large group of people and I was being really rude to all of them. I said something mean, laughed and starting walking away towards the elevator. I opened the door to the elevator, pressed the button for the lobby, and turned around as the doors shut. I could see that group of people watching me as the doors shut, and one of them waved with a smirk on her face. The others had this look on their face like they knew something that I didn’t. As soon as the doors shut, the elevator dropped out from under me and began to fall. I started floating and hit the ceiling as I was falling. I frantically smashed the buttons on the wall, trying to get it to stop, but I only kept falling. It was so incredibly vivid and I can remember that frantic feeling, a feeling of helplessness. All of the sudden this overwhelming feeling of peace came over me. I resigned myself to the fact that I was going to die, right here right now, and I was ok with it. Seconds later I hit, and of course, I woke up.

The very next night I had another falling dream. In this one, I was in two places at once. I was in a hot air balloon with two other people, and I was on the ground with another group of people watching myself and the other two float up in the balloon. As the balloon reached about 2 or 300 feet off the ground, the ropes holding the basket to the balloon snapped. Like a scene from a movie I first experienced what it was like in the balloon as the ropes snapped. Everyone screamed, and we started to drop. Then, I saw the same scene from the ground, and everyone there also screamed as the basket dropped. It switched back and forth between the two places I was, and both had a totally different feeling of franticness. One was a dire feeling, like “ok here I am I am going to die.” The other was a hopeless feeling, but more of a “oh my God, is this really happening to them?” Well, we hit the ground and I woke up. Again, it was so vivid and real I actually thought I had died when I woke up, just for a few seconds though.

I haven’t had a falling dream since, so those are the only ones to date.