so if I had a cure for aids, sitting in my closet… and I knew about it, but chose not to show anyone, would that be okay? if I felt like it was best, that millions of people suffered and died horrible painful deaths, maybe I thought it was better that way for whatever reason?

no. any christian would say no. right?

if there is in fact a god (which there isn’t) that is how he is working.

(thoughts more or less summarized while reading a book entitled “why i am not a christian.“)

the bible says “god is love.”

the bible also defines love in 1st corinthians – …”It always protects…” so, thats what god is doing? did he protect all those people from that latest sunami? or japanese earth quake? or that car crash your christian loved one was in? millions and billions of people, christians and non christians.

such a simple thought, a simple contradiction, but so true. theres no excuses around that. god does not protect, he does not love, he does not exist.

over the years I have come to a million definitive reasons to not believe in god, every now and then I write them down. even if they are simple ones.

late. nights. recording. songs. I. sing.

Belmont (Dead To The World)

late night humming. I captured my humming with a microphone.

Destitute

I can’t say I know everything. I can’t say I KNOW anything. I do believe strongly in a lot of things, and have drawn conclusions that I am very confident in, only because I have become so obsessed in drawing a conclusion– that the thirst to figure it out makes my studying only more obsessive. If that makes sense.

And yet there are still so many unexplainables, most of them I chalk up to mere coincidence.

or… MAGIC.

A couple of things that blow me away:

Mark Twain was born on November 30, 1835 underneath Halley’s Comet. He died on the exact night it came back around again on April 21, 1910, underneath the same glowing streak in the sky.

also…

John Adams and Thomas Jefferson, who everyone knows their history, and their rivalry, and their eventual friendship… died on the same exact night, hundreds of miles apart, on July 4, 1826, The fiftieth anniversary of the signing of the Declaration of Independence.

More than magic, these things just seems special to me. I couldn’t explain why, I am well aware it just ended up a meaningful coincidence, but meaningful non the less.

I have been geeking out pretty hard on this book by Timothy Ferriss. I’ve experimented a lot with weight loss over the last 10 years, and usually am very good at loosing weight. I haven’t been as good as staying consistent and keeping it off until the last couple of years. I have found a method and routine that works great for me, but anything I can add to make that easier I will take. This book has tons of great advice, tons of off the wall wacky advice (science and research to back it up, however), but you kind of have to sort it for yourself. It is all, very very interesting, and I highly recommend it. It’s a pretty easy read, especially since the author recommends not reading the whole book, just the parts that are specific to you and the changes you want to make to your body.

Check out the website for more info here: http://www.fourhourbody.com/

Below are some things that I highlighted and found interesting, mostly things related to personality and maybe like the zen of weight loss or whatever, but still good points:

“The decent method you follow is better than the perfect method you quit.”

“Instead of beating yourself up, going to the shrink, or eating an entire cheesecake because you ruined your diet with one cookie, allow me to deliver a message: it’s normal.”

““Everyone’s got an opinion about what you ‘should’ do. But the truth is, most of them are full of hot air and you can get it done using a few simple steps. “I ignored every one of them.””

“He weighed himself naked every morning at the same time before eating breakfast. He stepped on the scale a few times and put the average of the results in his Excel spreadsheet.”

“Track (progress) or you will fail.”

“As to methods, there may be a million and then some, but principles are few. The man who grasps principles can successfully select his own methods. —Ralph Waldo Emerson”

Whatever your need for god (hope, salvation, relief, motivation, inspiration, etc etc) you must be taught how to use it. – Marc Maron talking about religion/Christianity.

Makes me think of a god as a tool. But you must be taught how to use that tool. It’s a very vague thought on paper I know, but it makes sense to me.  If you are going to use god in your life,  the hope is that someone teaches you how to use it right, for benefit to yourself and others… rather than for justifications and naive beliefs or uneducated assumptions.

Just thinking out loud I guess.

A terrible analogy would be something like…

If you were given a hammer and told it was to help you make a place to live, but no one ever told you what a hammer was for, you might use it to break a window into a home and take it away from someone else. Which would be the opposite of say if someone showed you how to build a house with that hammer.

Like I said, a terrible analogy. Still just thinking out loud.

I have been re-watching Ken Burns’ documenteray on the civil war. I loved what Sam Houston had to say so I recorded it off the TV.  This is before the civil war, and his fellow Texans wanted to secede from the union, but he didn’t.

Sam Houston

I was rummaging around in a drawer today and ran across some lyrics I wrote, for a song I must have never recorded. I don’t remember the song, or the lyrics, they must be 5 or 6 years old. I liked them though, thought I would share.

I know you are saying it can’t work out
my life is spinning around and around
I know it seems as if I fear
what others say and what others hear
if I could turn around this mess
would you look forward, with no regrets?
time will give us all we need
another chance with you I plead

hope is for the best
take your mind off her eyes
when everyone is watching
make your move
you will find the answers
underneath your pride
now everything is hanging on your move

I would say you are feeling okay with this
it’s nothing you are ever going to miss

I love this, stole it from icetothebrim.com.

Wrote and recorded a song a few nights ago. Just sharin.

All Night (Leave It All Behind)